8 years in the making


Week One

The home is modest but luxurious. Complete with a swimming pool, a tennis court, and 50" flat-screen plasma TV. A crowd of onlookers has gathered in the front drive, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the eight contestants.

The group parts, and a red-haired, bespectacled teenager walks through. It is none other than Davy Jones, brooding teenager and aspiring dark mage. Reporters are instantly on the scene, pointing camera lenses at his face. He grins nervously and gives the cameras a half-hearted wave. When asked what he'll do with the money if he wins, he mumbles something about buying Reality Cemetery and moves on.

There is a whiff of expensive cologne, and newspaper chief Larry Boyle walks into view. His face is grinning, his suit is immaculately pressed, and his expertly trimmed mustached gleams with fresh wax. "Yeah, the money will be great," he says to the reporters. "But I also just want the exposure. All that publicity and all that money! Man! It's a babe magnet! Yeow!" He walks up to the front door, eagerly blowing kisses to the women in the crowd.

There is a faint cry of "Pardon me," and Mrs.Stringstein gingerly steps out of the throng - purse in one hand and knitting needles clasped firmly in the other. "I'm doing this, as I do everything, for my dear Stringfellow," she says. "This money will go straight to him. Not that he'd ever spend it on himself, oh no. My darling son will always treat his mother well. Isn't that right, my precious?" She waves at an armor-clad young man in the audience, who sighs and rolls his eyes.

An innocent onlooker gives a yelp and is forcefully pushed aside by a scowling Mr. Namyah. The hurculean gym teacher pounds onto the drive, letting out a rumbling sigh as he is set upon by reporters. "MONEY?!! WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT MONEY!!" he shouts. "I JUST WANT AN EXCUSE TO PUSH PEOPLE AROUND FOR TWO MONTHS!! THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!!" He shoves the reporters out of his way and walks into the house.

Next to arrive is Elandra, clad in her usual heavy brown trenchcoat despite the warmth of the day. "If I win, I'd start a lab," she says matter-of factly, her hands firmly placed in her pockets. "A proper one. With test tubes and beakers and computers and everything. There's only so much I can do in a dingy basement shared with two stoners..."

"Ha!" shouts a voice from the crowd. A pair of unkempt dreadlocks force their way into view, followed by an even more unkempt Melt. "Look how I am so easily stereotyped. Pigeonholed. Compartmentalized. Stuck with a clean label and placed neatly on a shelf. That's why I'M here. I don't care about the money. I just want to shake the world out of its complacent sloth and show everyone the truth!" He looks around and notices that nobody is paying any attention. He sighs. "Damn. I hope they have cable here," he mutters as he meanders up to the front door.

A tall red surfboard slices through the crowd and onto the drive. It is moved aside to reveal the sun burnt face of Josh Beachcomber. "Win. Lose. Whatever." He says with a shrug, "It's all about having a good time with cool people, right?" He gives a thumbs-up to the camera and continues on his way.

There is a flash of purple hair, and Mika Huy forces her way out of the crowd and onto the driveway. Her camera bag hangs loosely at her side. "I'm here for two reasons," she says to an eager reporter. "First, to win the money. I'll start up my own newspaper and give the Realizer some serious competition. Secondly..." she pats her camera bag thoughtfully. "I plan on taking as many compromising pictures as I can! Be sure to check out the first edition of the paper when this is all over!" Smiling sweetly, she steps up to the front door and into the house.

Eight weeks. Eight episodes. Eight contestants all competing for one thing: your attention and the One Million Dollar cash prize. The winner is up to you. So get voting, and stay tuned for the next episode of "Big Brother RON!"

Week One Files:

Week Two

The first day in the Reality Big Brother house passed without much incident. Elandra claimed the basement as her new workshop, while Josh Beachcomber brought his blanket up to the roof to sleep under the stars. Larry Boyle took the opportunity to merge Josh's empty bed with his own, figuring a larger bed would increase his chances of getting lucky.

At 5:30 AM, a bugle call pierced the silence of the house. It was Mr. Namyah, calling the others to do early morning calisthenics. Davy Jones fired off a quick spell to silence him, but only succeeded in turning Namyah's eyebrows pink. Enraged, the gym teacher threw Davy to the floor, sat on the lanky teen's back and then commanded him to do 30 push-ups. Davy heaved and grunted for ten minutes before Mrs. Stringstein knocked the gym teacher out with a rolling pin, putting an end to the sordid scene.

Upon regaining consciousness, Namyah was livid. He became belligerent and started interrogating the other residents mercilessly, demanding to know who hit him. His bellowing and tirades could be heard all over Reality. His ranting continued into the late morning, when he suddenly and mysteriously became quiet. Nobody knows why, except that it occurred soon after breakfast, when Melt served him a mushroom omelet.

Namyah's silence was golden. His eyebrows, however, remain pink.


Mika: "I've got to vote Boyle off. Do you know how WEIRD it is to be eating breakfast with your boss every morning?"

Josh: "Namyah's okay. He's just gotta learn how to relax. That old lady creeps me out, though. I vote her off."

Boyle: "Mrs. Stringstein's got to go. Those varicose veins! Ugh!"

Elandra: "If Josh calls me 'Beach Baby' one more time I'm going to use that surfboard as an anal thermometer! He goes."

Namyah: "That beach bum doesn't pull his weight around here! We need to drop the dead wood. He's off the team!"

Both Davy and Mrs. Stringstein voted that Namyah leave. Melt voted for Boyle.

The results were two votes each for Boyle, Josh, Mrs. Stringstein and Mr. Namyah. Big Brother RON viewers tipped the scales, with nearly 50% voting that Mrs. Stringstein leave. The elderly woman seemed curiously upbeat about leaving, and was only too happy to return to her doting son Thakbor.

Week Two Files:

Week Three

After the shocking banishment of Mrs Stringstien, temperaments in the house were all of a kerfuffle. Mr. Namyah attempted to revive spirits by forcing everyone to do two hundred laps of the garden, with beatings promised as punishment for the last to get around the track.

After Melt had finished whining about his bruises, life in the house slid back to its former happy tedium. Mr. Namyah calmed down about the pink eyebrows incident as soon as Melt and Boyle stopped teasing him about it. And Mika and Elandra stopped laughing about it. And Josh stopped complementing him on it. Davy never said a word, but developed a disturbing tendancy to hide under the nearest table whenever the gym teacher was around.

Boyle's attempt at making breakfast, later known as the "tomato incident," ended safely thanks to the aid of a fire extinguisher.

It was a few days before someone noticed that Josh never did any chores at all. Every time he was asked to do something he'd break out in a cold sweat and would have to lie down. Namyah soon got so enraged that he broke the surfer's board in two. Josh took it surprisingly well. He was last seen heading toward the swimming pool, carrying an ironing board and a large fan.


Boyle: That Elandra's just begging for it. All that time she spends with those big tools... she's just compensating for something she ain't getting from her boyfriend, if you know what I mean.

Elandra: I don't like the way Mika looks at Davy. I'm voting her off.

Mika: What's with that Davy Jones? He's so cold and aloof. And he's the only person in this town who doesn't try to hit on me. It's so confusing. I have a reputation to uphold...

Melt: We've gotta get rid of Namyah. Ow! Is there any Neosporin in this house?

Another round of voting, and Mr. Namyah was voted out of the Big Brother house. He seemed surprised. "WHAT THE HELL?" he said incredulously to a reporter later. "I THOUGHT MINDLESS VIOLENCE MADE GOOD TELEVISION. THEY'LL REGRET THIS!" He then left the house and went back to the high school, presumably to take his anger out on his students.

Week Three Files:

Week Four

After Namyah's eviction, the atmosphere in the Big Brother house became much more relaxed. This newfound harmony was briefly interrupted at breakfast when Boyle made several lewd suggestions to Elandra and Mika. His suggestions were firmly rejected, by way of a large wrench and frying pan. The day past by, each occupant absorbed in their own interests, or in Boyle's case, regaining consciousness by mid-afternoon.

Davy, as it was his turn to cook, was true to his word when he said he'd whip something up for supper. While the housemates enjoyed the Italian food, Davy appeared puzzled when seven pasta dishes and four pizzas had appeared on the counter after he had finished muttering. That night also marked the first time Josh helped with clean-up. While the microphones weren't able to pick up what Mika whispered to him, he did agree to help Melt with the dishes after casting an apprehensive look at the kitchen knife she was carrying.

The next evening, as the housemates argued over what to watch on the television, the cameras spotted Boyle sneaking into Davy's room. After quickly flipping through Davy's spellbook and copying a few things, Boyle disappeared into the bathroom and didn't emerge until fourty-five minutes later. As there were no cameras in the bathroom and he'd had the water running, it's difficult to determine exactly what Boyle was up to.

Breakfast was a tense affair. Most everyone had had trouble sleeping, with the exception of Josh who walked in as Davy was asking if anyone had gone into his room. While everyone was denying going into his room, they were summoned by Big Brother. Gathering in the living room, the housemates arrived to see the Big Brother logo dissolve into static. Their confusion quickly turning to alarm when red creatures swarmed into the room.

* * * * *

It's at this point things get sketchy as the creatures quickly destroyed the cameras. The few images of the creatures show that there were about the size of a German Shepperd, moved very quickly and had ferociously sharp teeth. With the cameras gone and the technicians unable to get inside, it's impossible to say for sure what exactly happened in the hours after the cameras were destroyed . However, three hours later the Big Brother house shook and imploded, leaving the entire block a large crater with the Big Brother housemates battered, bleeding, but alive. Mika took special care to tread on the unconscious body of Boyle before climbing out of the crater.

The prize money was spent to cover repair costs to the site, as well as replace R-TV equipment lost in the implosion. R-TV execs decided it was too costly to continue and canceled the show, replacing it with an imported drama about a psychic writer and a ghost musician. Davy, Elandra, Mika, Melt, Josh, and Larry returned to their normal lives. What was left of the prize money was split evenly amongst them, which came to two Reality dollars and thirteen cents.

-- Morris Blythman - video editor, R-TV